


Colpo di Fulmine

by tetsunohana



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26741590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsunohana/pseuds/tetsunohana
Summary: Kyungsoo has never liked meeting new people, especially not a dangerously attractive one that happens to be the son of the drug lord he's trying to take down.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 12
Kudos: 147
Collections: Honey Boy: Round 1





	Colpo di Fulmine

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the great prompt; I hope you won't mind that I did my own spin on the soulmates trope. I hope everyone enjoys!

**definition** colpo di fulmine

 _Italian._ love at first sight (lit. strike of lightning)

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo said, starting to close the door again. “I didn’t realize there was anyone in here.”

The voice that responded was deep but still had a boyish edge to it. “No, come in.”

Kyungsoo hesitated. He didn’t want to risk his cover, but he really needed some leads, like, yesterday. He opened the door fully and stepped over the threshold.

A shadow moved at his right and he yelled out in surprise. It was a huge German Shepherd, teeth bared and snarling. He could feel himself choking on his heartbeat.

“Monggu, down,” the voice said, and the dog sat, tail curling around its legs as it cocked its head at Kyungsoo curiously. “Sorry about that.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness in the library, and he recognized the figure on the couch near the window. Jongin was the boss’s son, although most people didn’t know that. It was safer that way.

The rumors he’d heard about Jongin didn’t do him justice though. His long legs were sprawled over the couch, teeth worrying a plump bottom lip as he took his headphones off and slung them around his slender neck, which sloped into broad shoulders and a firm chest. His white button-up was somehow still immaculately pressed, despite Jongin’s comfortable position on the couch. It fell open to reveal a long slash of smooth skin that had Kyungsoo swallowing back a sudden rush of saliva. Jongin’s eyes were dark, hooded under thick eyelashes, and as those lashes fluttered open and shut, Kyungsoo abruptly realized that Jongin had not yet been Awoken.

So Jongin was blind. No wonder he’d heard so little about him. The old man probably wanted to keep his existence as secret as possible, to make up for his weakness.

“May I turn the lights on?” Kyungsoo asked with a dry swallow.

Jongin laughed. “Sure. I always forget about that.”

Kyungsoo went over to flip the light switch, and Jongin looked even more tantalizing in the warm glow of the old incandescent bulbs, his skin glowing as if lit from within.

“I’m Jongin, by the way.”

“Kyungsoo.”

He made a show of looking for a book along the far wall, shuffling his feet loudly, before sitting down on the couch opposite Jongin.

“You’re new,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “Yeah, joined a few months ago. I like chemistry.”

“Don’t we all?” Jongin said teasingly, and Kyungsoo took it to mean that he’d sampled some of his father’s merchandise.

That was a slippery slope, and Kyungsoo found himself worrying about this drug lord’s son.

He cracked open the book and tried to concentrate on the botanical properties of marijuana. Yet he couldn’t help but sneak a few glances at Jongin. He turned a page slowly, thumb stroking the spine. The book was dusty. Weed wasn’t as lucrative nowadays.

Finally he gave up and stared openly. It wasn’t like Jongin would notice. He was filled with a strange mix of curiosity and apprehension, although he supposed that wasn’t so strange. That was what some people called thrilling.

A soft beep came from Jongin’s phone and he swung his legs off the couch, fixing his clothes that didn’t need fixing. Then he reached over to the side table and picked up a gun that Kyungsoo hadn’t even noticed sitting there. It looked like it belonged to Jongin, looking just as sleek and strong, and Jongin looked comfortable handling it.

As Jongin tucked the gun into the pocket of his pants, Kyungsoo wondered how he aimed it, then decided that he didn’t want to find out.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo nodded before realizing and just managed to get out a, “Nice to meet you,” before Jongin was disappearing out the door, the dog trailing.

…

“What have you got?” Chanyeol’s voice was businesslike, distorted over their doubly-encrypted connection.

“I met the son,” Kyungsoo said.

“That’s it?”

Kyungsoo’s voice was sheepish. “They run a tight ship, Chanyeol, really tight.”

Chanyeol sighed. “You gotta give me something to work with though, man. They don’t believe in us as it is, but three months with no real results to show for it…”

“I know,” Kyungsoo said. “I’m working on it, though. There’s a really old computer in the library, connected to their internal network through a grandfathered connection. I think I can break in that way, but I need time.”

He didn’t mention that every time he’d tried to go back to the library, Jongin had been there too, and he’d been too nervous to log onto the computer with the other man there.

“Alright,” Chanyeol said, sounding happier. “I can work with that.”

Kyungsoo heard the sound of typing from Chanyeol’s end.

“How is the son, anyway?” Chanyeol asked casually.

“He’s interesting,” Kyungsoo said thoughtfully. “But dangerous.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol agreed. “Try to avoid him as much as you can.”

“I do that already, thanks,” Kyungsoo said with a roll of his eyes. “Avoid people, that is.”

“Forgot, sorry,” Chanyeol said. “You know, when I was little, I wanted to be like you, but now that I’m an adult and I haven’t been Awoken yet, I think it’s better that all I’m missing is a sense of time.”

“I’ll see you next week, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo said, ending the call.

Yeah, he supposed that being born without a sense of pain wasn’t ideal, when he was afraid that every new person he met might be the one to Awaken him, to give him the sense that he’d been missing all along.

…

“You’re late.”

The afternoon sun was pouring through the windows and Jongin looked deep in thought as Kyungsoo crossed over the threshold slowly. Monggu was dozing on the floor next to the couch.

“Late night,” Kyungsoo said. “Didn’t you hear?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Jongin asked. His tone was a little too sharp to be only teasing.

“Right. You were there last night too.” Kyungsoo had forgotten that detail of the previous night, the way Jongin’s father had whispered something into his ear when they returned to the mansion after the raid, the way Jongin’s jaw had tightened when he heard. Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “What are you listening to today?”

Jongin shrugged, turned on Kyungsoo with hard eyes. “What’s your deal?”

Kyungsoo’s fingers tapped nervously on his thigh. Monggu looked up at him, mouth parting for a moment to reveal huge incisors. “What do you mean?”

Jongin laughed derisively. “You come in here every day and pretend to read the same dusty old book while asking a few too many questions for a new recruit, _especially_ one that only got his job because of a referral. So, Kyungsoo, what are you trying to do?”

_Fuck_.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kyungsoo said. “My research--”

His mind was completely blank. He couldn’t think of the simplest excuse. He backed up towards the door, and Jongin was out of his seat in a flash, only a breath away from Kyungsoo’s face. Monggu was growling behind him, his fangs shiny with saliva. Kyungsoo could feel the heat of Jongin’s body, remembered just how much taller Jongin was.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo whispered. “You don’t know what you’re doing.”

Jongin laughed. “Don’t I?”

He reached up to grab Kyungsoo’s face and Kyungsoo involuntarily shut his eyes.

A strange sensation spread across his jaw, blooming out from the point that Jongin had touched. Kyungsoo had no way of processing what it meant, had never felt anything like it before. He doubled over involuntarily and let out a cry of what he recognized as pain.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jongin demanded. “What are--”

He broke off in a gasp and Monggu started barking wildly.

“What the fuck is this?” Jongin whispered, and when Kyungsoo looked up he was pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, sinking down to his knees. “What is this?”

Kyungsoo rubbed at his jaw. There were none of the signs he usually used to assess injury: no redness, swelling, skin that felt different. Jongin must’ve only touched him, but it still spread like flame throughout his body, because heat was the only thing he could compare to this sensation that his brain had never learned to process.

“We Awakened each other,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongin looked like he was just coming to the same realization. Monggu was still barking in the background.

“Monggu, down,” he said, and the dog broke off with a whine, going down onto his belly as he watched his master. He spoke without turning towards Kyungsoo. “Someone will come to check on me. Sit on the couch and don’t say anything.”

Kyungsoo nodded. He watched as Jongin opened the door for one of the guards that was always lingering around this wing of the mansion. Jongin laughed and joked with the guard, who gave Kyungsoo an envious glance before leaving.

Jongin took a seat on the couch opposite Kyungsoo. His eyes were closed, and he let out a nervous laugh. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. You must’ve known, right?”

Kyungsoo swallowed, weighing his options. “I’d suspected.”

Jongin’s voice was soft, so uncharacteristically soft. “I never thought I’d ever meet you. It’s so rare to meet your Awakener, and nowadays people don’t really believe in it anymore. As being soulmates, that is.”

Kyungsoo didn’t mention that he was one of those people. “I never thought I’d meet you either.”

Jongin reached down to pat Monggu on the head and the dog whined in confusion. “You’re off the hook now, buddy. You don’t need to work anymore.”

“Are you going to tell your dad?” Kyungsoo asked, testing his luck.

Jongin shook his head. “I’ll wait until he likes you more. Don’t let me down.”

If Jongin found Kyungsoo’s silence rude, he didn’t say anything. He asked his phone for the time and stood up off the couch, eyes still closed.

“I have to go now.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Kyungsoo asked.

“See you tomorrow,” Jongin said with a smile.

…

Chanyeol wanted to pull him out. His eyebrows were furrowed on Kyungsoo’s screen, and he kept shaking his head. “It’s too dangerous.”

“No, don’t you see?” Kyungsoo argued. “This is our chance, we have an in now.”

Chanyeol snorted. “It’s not worth the risk. I say we cut our losses and use your connections to plant another agent. It’s the best we can hope for at this point.”

“No,” Kyungsoo said. “I’m not giving up.”

“It’s not giving up, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo didn’t respond. Chanyeol knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t back down now.

Finally Chanyeol sighed. “Fine. Bring me a lead, a good one, within a week. Then you can stay on the mission.”

…

Jongin stopped being suspicious of him. Over the next few days, Kyungsoo went into the library whenever he wanted and managed to figure out the problem he needed to tackle to break into the computer system. He knew he could solve that problem, if he just had enough time.

The only problem was that Jongin didn’t seem to want to give him that time.

“Jongin, what are you doing?” Kyungsoo asked, pressed up against the door of whatever closet Jongin had pulled him into.

Jongin smirked, and the slight pressure of his fingernails digging into Kyungsoo’s chest made him wince in pain.

“It helps if we do this. Don’t you want to gain your sense faster?” Jongin asked as he pressed his body against Kyungsoo’s, making Kyungsoo clench defensively. “What was your Sleeping sense, anyway?”

“Sense of humor,” Kyungsoo said through gritted teeth, and Jongin laughed.

“You’ll tell me sooner or later,” he said knowingly.

He drew away with a wink, and Kyungsoo found his body following involuntarily, searching for the warm pressure of Jongin’s body, the heat he didn’t know he craved.

…

“Sir, you wanted to see me?” Kyungsoo peered around the door nervously. He’d never been alone with the old man before.

“Yes, come in.”

Kyungsoo walked past the door and closed it behind him. The boss’s office was luxuriously decorated, with plush carpeting and an aquarium against one of the walls. One of the tank cleaners had its hairy-looking mouth opened against the glass.

The boss sat behind his desk reading something, and the afternoon sunlight brought sharp sparks of pain to Kyungsoo’s eyes, used to the darkness of the lab. He hovered awkwardly in front of the door, waiting for the old man to look up from his work.

“I hear you’ve been spending some time with my son.”

Kyungsoo swallowed. “Yes, sir.”

The old man’s smile sent shivers down Kyungsoo’s neck and shoulders.

“I’d be careful if I were you,” the old man said, standing up from his desk. “He’s not as sweet as he looks. He got his mother’s looks, that one, but on the inside he’s just like me.”

Kyungsoo sensed that he wasn’t supposed to say anything, was just supposed to listen.

The boss went to stand at the window. He beckoned with one hand for Kyungsoo to join him.

“Come look at this.”

Kyungsoo walked over slowly, every nerve screaming at him not to, and looked out the window. He saw Jongin standing outside, Monggu at his side. There were two other dogs with him.

As Kyungsoo watched, a pair of guards brought out a man between them. Kyungsoo didn’t recognize him. The man kneeled, and Jongin stooped to talk to him. The conversation was short, ended by the flashing movement of Jongin’s hand slapping the other man’s face.

Kyungsoo flinched, but that wasn’t the worst of it. He watched Jongin step back, and the dogs moved in, their jaws snapping as they tore the man to pieces. Kyungsoo forced himself to watch, so he could remember all the details for later. He could almost hear their growling himself.

Jongin shouted an order and the dogs backed away, returning to their master. The guards dragged away the body, leaving a red trail behind them.

…

That night, hunched over his desk with his heart pounding erratically in his chest, Kyungsoo figured out how to break the firewall. He downloaded the program he would need onto a thumb drive, hiding it amongst boring chemical nomenclature files. He didn’t sleep the entire night.

Instead he stared at the ceiling, wondering why he could only think of Jongin’s smile, the soft sound of his voice, digging his fingernails into his palms so the red-hot pain would remind him of what Jongin really was.

…

Jongin didn’t come to the library the next day, so Kyungsoo had plenty of time to upload his program onto the computer and glance nervously over his shoulder as the systems fell apart in front of him.

The file system inside was a mess, and he half-wondered if the chaotic naming scheme was the true defense of the system. He clicked through files for anything interesting, found hundreds of candidate compounds with their associated experimental records, found an intriguing password-locked file called _Project Kokobop_ , and then finally uncovered the way into the cartel’s main intranet.

There were more firewalls blocking his way, but after an hour of investigation, he decided that it would be manageable. He quickly typed up some notes and downloaded some summary files back onto the thumb drive before logging out of the computer.

He glanced at his watch; he’d only been inside for an hour and a half, which hopefully wasn’t enough time for someone on one of the other cartel terminals to notice his resource usage and track down the suspicious login. Hopefully.

He saw Jongin on the way out of the mansion, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk to him. He ignored Jongin calling his name and pressed his finger, hard, into the warm plastic of the thumb drive, until he could feel it rubbing against the bone.

…

“This is good,” Chanyeol said as he scanned the file that Kyungsoo had sent over earlier. “How long do you think it’ll take you to break into the intranet?”

Kyungsoo sighed. “Optimistically, a few weeks. The defenses are much better than the ones for the computer itself, but there’s a few weaknesses that I can exploit.”

“Good.” Chanyeol paused. “How’s it going with the son?”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but shiver. He hadn’t gotten more than a few hours sleep each night since they found out. He kept trying to tamp down on his confusing feelings, promising himself that he would have time to sort them out when he was done with the mission. 

“That bad, huh?”

“No, it’s not bad,” Kyungsoo said. “It’s really easy, actually. He’s a criminal and he’s just another way for me to finish the mission. If he ever becomes more than that, he’ll just be an obstacle.”

“You sound _so_ convinced,” Chanyeol said with a roll of the eyes. “Honestly though, you’ve done enough. Code a backdoor into the system and get out. We’ll keep working on it from the outside.”

“No,” Kyungsoo snapped, more harshly than he had intended. “Sorry, I just don’t want to entrust anyone else with this.”

He also didn’t want to entrust Jongin to anyone else.

…

Jongin was quiet the next time Kyungsoo saw him, walking away from the kitchen with a snack. His eyes widened a bit in recognition even without hearing Kyungsoo’s voice; he must’ve learned how to recognize faces by then.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” he asked.

Kyungsoo hesitated. He’d been about to head to the library and continue working on the firewall. But there was something telling him to go, and he was tired and confused and guilty enough to listen to it. He nodded.

Jongin smiled. “Great. You drive.”

They went to the garage where Jongin pointed out a sleek little Porsche, tossing Kyungsoo the keys. He gave perfect directions for getting out of the mansion’s surrounding compound through a back entrance Kyungsoo had never seen before, and Kyungsoo realized that Jongin never really needed his sense of vision. That thought made him feel sad for some reason.

“Did you tell your dad?” Kyungsoo asked. He hadn’t seen the old man since he was called into his office, but he was always looking over his shoulder and wondering whether Jongin’s father knew about them.

“No,” Jongin said firmly. He rolled down his window all the way so he had to yell to be heard over the wind. “Take the next left and get on the highway.”

Kyungsoo sighed and decided not to push the matter any more. He realized they were heading towards the beach. The warm summer air felt good on his face, and he rolled his window down too.

Jongin reached over to flip on the radio and they drove without speaking for twenty more minutes, listening to the summery music on the radio.

“It should be the next exit,” Jongin said after a while. “Exit 43.”

It was coming up in half a mile. Kyungsoo switched to the right lane. Jongin directed him through the local roads until they were pulled up on the waterfront, watching the surfers in the waves. Jongin got out of the car and went to go sit on the hood, Kyungsoo following.

“Why are we here?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongin didn’t answer, just threaded his fingers through Kyungsoo’s and leaned his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. They sat there for a long time, letting the sea breeze wash over them. Something about Jongin’s closeness made all the tension leak out of his body, taking him to a place out of reach by anyone but them two. Kyungsoo found himself matching the steady pace of Jongin’s breathing, and he felt like he could stay there forever, and forget all about the mission.

Finally he pulled away because his shoulder was getting sore, and he saw that Jongin’s eyes were closed again.

“I thought this whole thing would be different,” Jongin said softly. “I never thought I would meet my Awakener, so when I did, I thought everything would go perfectly. Is there something wrong with me?”

Kyungsoo’s heart sank. Just then he hated himself for being so unromantic, for making someone so beautiful feel so inadequate. It was a stark contrast to Jongin’s hard exterior, so diametrically opposed that he wondered which one was the real Jongin. He could feel a confession -- _I’m not who you think I am_ \-- coming up his throat but he forced it back down. Not yet.

“Jongin, I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything.”

Jongin leaned in for a kiss and Kyungsoo kissed back, his hand coming up to cup the side of Jongin’s face. Their lips felt so perfect for each other, and the way Jongin grabbed a fistful of his shirt made his heart thump desperately in his chest.

Kyungsoo was the one to pull away again, leaning back to study the expression on Jongin’s face. He looked thoughtful but happy.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo said. “I’ve never really believed in the whole soulmates thing.”

“I could tell,” Jongin said dryly, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but chuckle. When Jongin continued his voice was softer. “But you could feel it, couldn’t you?”

Kyungsoo couldn’t deny that he’d felt it, the fragile bond that connected them. It grew stronger by the day, and he knew if that bond were broken, as it had to be, it would break both of them too.

…

Kyungsoo woke with a start, realizing that he’d fallen asleep on top of his work again. When he woke his computer, it was still opened to a webpage about packet routing protocols. He closed out of it and looked back down at his notes, a feeling of dread rising in him.

Somewhere in the past few weeks, he’d switched from racing madly towards the end of the mission to braking desperately in an attempt to gain more time. He’d spent the last couple of days checking and re-checking his work, hoping to find some overlooked flaw that would require him to start over.

But his work was perfect, and Chanyeol needed results. He needed to finish this now, and deal with the consequences later.

…

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin moaned against his mouth, hand splayed out on Kyungsoo’s chest. “Please.”

Kyungsoo groaned and struggled to free his dick from his pants, his nerves still fired up from Jongin’s mouth on his neck. He finally pulled it out and let it fall heavy into Jongin’s hand.

“Fuck, you’re so hard,” Jongin said. “So hot too.”

Kyungsoo could feel Jongin pressing his thigh into it, feeling the way it sank into the soft flesh. Kyungsoo rocked his hips forward involuntarily, and Jongin moaned, rocking back against the movement. Eventually Jongin pulled out his own dick too, and they stayed grinding against each other until neither of them could take it anymore.

Jongin sank down onto his knees, cupping Kyungsoo’s dick in both hands and suckling gently on the head with petal-soft lips. Kyungsoo gasped out his pleasure; it had never felt so good before. Maybe it was Jongin, maybe it was the delicate undercurrent of pain that ran through every movement, making the pleasure stand out even more by contrast, or maybe it was both, but he couldn’t control himself when it came to Jongin.

Jongin sucked all the way down to the base, humming around the fullness in his mouth. Kyungsoo clenched his teeth as the vibrations raced through his body, leaving warm pleasure in their wake. He realized he was digging his fingernails into the palm of his hand, trying to hold himself back from thrusting into the wet heat of Jongin’s mouth, but Jongin grabbed his fist and moved it to his head. Kyungsoo grabbed a handful of hair and threw his head back against the wall, letting himself relax into the sensation of Jongin’s mouth.

“Jongin,” he breathed, feeling himself drift into a pleasant headspace, one where everything was soft and no one could get hurt. “Jongin, fuck, it feels so good.”

Jongin moaned low in his throat, increasing the pace of his bobbing, and Kyungsoo came hard down his throat. Jongin made a surprised noise and gagged, pulling off quickly.

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo swore, helping Jongin stand back up. “Sorry, I’m not used…”

He trailed off at the sight of Jongin’s face, flushed with exertion. His eyes were tearing a little at the corners, and his lips were shiny with Kyungsoo’s release, some of it dribbling down his chin.

Jongin just smirked and leaned in for a kiss, grinding desperately against Kyungsoo’s leg. Kyungsoo’s nerves felt raw and overstimulated, and he whimpered against Jongin’s lips. He tried to get onto his knees to return the favor, but his legs wobbled and he collapsed onto the floor.

Jongin laughed and sat down on his lap, straddling Kyungsoo’s waist with his legs. “Too much for you?”

Kyungsoo groaned and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. “ _You’re_ too much.”

He reached for the heavy length of Jongin’s dick pressed up against his belly and pulled Jongin close, feeling the undulations of Jongin’s hips as he jerked him off. Jongin was whining into his shoulder in no time, his body contorting and pressing against Kyungsoo’s as he worked with the movements of Kyungsoo’s hand.

Kyungsoo wriggled his free hand between their chests, feeling for Jongin’s nipple, pressed a thumb into the thin material of Jongin’s shirt. Jongin moaned, loud and desperate, and sucked hard on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, making him hiss out in pain. Kyungsoo rubbed hard circles into Jongin’s nipple, and then he was coming into Kyungsoo’s hand, his body arching into Kyungsoo’s for one moment before relaxing completely. Jongin’s hips gave a few more little circles, riding out the aftershocks, and then he was kissing up Kyungsoo’s throat to his mouth.

“Fuck me,” he whispered against Kyungsoo’s lips, and _fuck_ , Kyungsoo wanted to, wanted to press Jongin into the hard tile of this bathroom and fuck him until he didn’t know words anymore.

“Next time,” he said, and Jongin whined but snuggled in closer, resting his head against Kyungsoo’s shoulder.  
  


“Okay, next time.”

…

Kyungsoo didn’t trust himself not to throw out the thumb drive in a fit of confusion, so he locked it in the safe in his house and gave Baekhyun the key.

“What is this?” he asked as he tucked the key behind a jar of oats in his pantry.

Kyungsoo shrugged, looking furtively out the window as if Chanyeol would appear at any moment. “I just need you to hold onto it for me for a while.”

“Only because I’m such a good person,” Baekhyun said with a wink, and Kyungsoo could feel his eye twitch. Baekhyun raised his hands defensively and said, “Okay, wow, you’re in a bad mood. You want a drink or something?”

“No,” Kyungsoo said with a sigh. “Thanks, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun looked at him very oddly as he left and got back in his car. He drove to the beach where he and Jongin had kissed for the first time and sat on the roof of his car, looking at the waves crash in the distance. He could almost feel the way Jongin had felt in his arms back then, a jumble of soft words and hard actions lashed together with nothing but circumstance. Kyungsoo couldn’t help loving the feeling all the same.

…

“Do you have the evidence or not?”

Kyungsoo took a sip of his coffee to steel himself for the lie. “I’ve seen the evidence, but it’s too risky to download it all now. I can still collect enough data to take down the whole cartel.”

Chanyeol ran an agitated hand through his hair. “We already got what we came for. We’ll offer him a plea deal. We might still be able to get the rest of the bosses.”

“They’re too smart for that,” Kyungsoo said. “Once they realize the old man’s been compromised, they’ll cut off all his assets and any middlemen that connected them. It’ll be a dead end.”

Chanyeol sighed. “You don’t make my job easy, Kyungsoo.”

“It’ll be a lot easier for you when we’ve broken the backbone of illegal heroin trade in North America.” Chanyeol’s boss liked to play around with pompous-sounding words.

There was a long pause on the other end of the call. Chanyeol was pinching the bridge of his nose. “This isn’t about the son, is it?”

Kyungsoo laughed and hoped it sounded convincing. “Why would it be? We’ve already gotten everything we need out of him.”

And indeed, although Jongin had never agreed to it, it’d been Jongin’s login information that he’d exploited to break into the intranet, download incriminating financial statements and even video evidence against Jongin’s father. But the evidence implicated Jongin too, and Kyungsoo didn’t know how he just could give up Jongin to the criminal justice system to have its way with. How could he give up the best and worst thing that had ever happened to him?

…

“Do you have the prisoners?” was the first question the guard asked when they pulled back into the compound.

The man next to Kyungsoo nodded towards the back. “We have all of them.”

“The boss wants to see them now out back,” the guard said, and Kyungsoo nodded, driving towards the back of the mansion.

They unloaded the prisoners onto the grass, made them kneel. The sky was still gray, and the damp grass tickled Kyungsoo’s ankles. His eyes searched the mansion’s edifice for Jongin’s window, wondering if he was still sleeping.

By the time the boss made it outside, one of the prisoners had collapsed onto the ground and couldn’t be forced back up. Kyungsoo couldn’t tell if it was exhaustion, pain from the still-bleeding wound in his shoulder, or just simple terror at the knowledge that his last moments would be spent kneeling on the ground, staring down the barrel of a gun held by some nameless stranger.

Jongin was trailing behind his father, and Kyungsoo could feel himself relax just the slightest bit, although Jongin was avoiding his gaze.

“Anyone special?” the boss asked, glancing down the line of prisoners.

“No, sir. We had all high-ranking members killed, as you ordered.”

“Good.” The boss turned his gaze towards the prisoner that was slumped against the ground. “What happened to that one?”

“Lost too much blood, sir.” The man paused. “Or just scared.”

“Useless,” the boss said derisively. “Wake him up and see what he knows.”

Two of the guards on the side went to retrieve a bucket of water and threw it over the man, who spluttered and choked on the freezing water as the third guard pulled him up by the collar of his shirt and took the gag out of his mouth.

“Who is the Tree of Life?” the boss asked.

Kyungsoo swallowed. The Tree of Life had been the boss’s obsession for the past few months, a name that popped up everywhere, at every time. All of their enemies seemed to know who it was, the last hope against the boss’s own cartel, the last shred of resistance against the empire of drugs and money. Kyungsoo’s own bosses would kill to know what it was.

The man gasped for air, and Kyungsoo could feel his own heart pounding in his chest.

“Please, if I tell you,” he choked out. “Please, just let me go.”

“Of course,” the boss said. Kyungsoo could feel the other prisoners stirring at that, hope or outrage or something else.

“The Tree of Life isn’t a person, it’s a drug,” the man said. “It’s the most potent hallucinogen ever discovered, and it’s dirt cheap to produce. You just need to know the formula, but I swear, that’s all I know!”

Fuck. This was huge. Chanyeol would be over the moon. But at the same time, this knowledge could only mean more violence.

“Sir?” Kyungsoo blinked in surprise at the gun in his hand.

The boss tipped his head towards the man on his knees, and Kyungsoo’s heart sank. It was one thing to stand by and let killing happen that would’ve happened without him there anyway, and it was another thing entirely to pull the trigger himself. The agency would implode, he would have to start a new life, and he wasn’t even sure if he would want that life.

“I can’t, sir,” Kyungsoo said. His voice came out much more confidently that he expected.

The kneeling man had only just realized his fate, and he was sobbing. “Please, no, God, please. I _told_ you, I _told you_ , you can’t, please --”

One of the guards shoved the gag back in his mouth. Kyungsoo’s eyes flickered to Jongin’s face over his father’s shoulder. His eyes were closed.

“You will obey,” the boss said with a sneer.  
  


“I can’t,” Kyungsoo said. When he woke up the previous morning, he hadn’t thought that this would be the end. He would’ve lingered for a few more minutes in bed, would’ve let Jongin tempt him into a bath instead of a shower that afternoon.

“Why not?” the boss asked, and Kyungsoo heard the click of a safety, saw the gun pointed at his head out of the corner of his eye.

Kyungsoo fought the childish desire to just close his eyes and turn away. If this was where he was meant to die, he would at least watch as the bullet tore through his face.

A hand reached for the gun and lowered it gently. Jongin was stepping in between his father and Kyungsoo.

“We need to know the formula,” he said. “We need him alive so we can find out the formula.”

Of course. Kyungsoo nodded, trying not to seem too eager.

The boss’s eyes narrowed, and he let Jongin place a hand on his arm. Kyungsoo started to let out a shaky breath of relief, feeling safe now that Jongin was standing in front of him.

The boss whirled and the gunshot echoed in Kyungsoo’s ears. The man crumpled to the ground, blood soaking the cloth of his gag and dripping down onto his shirt. Kyungsoo tamped down on the urge to grab Jongin’s hand and run.

“He doesn’t know the fucking formula,” the boss said, turning on Kyungsoo. “But congratulations. Now _you_ have the honor of finding out the formula. You find it out, or you’re next.”

…

When Kyungsoo startled awake he found Jongin’s eyes staring back into his own. He could feel his body relaxing even as his mind tried to shy away.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, letting Jongin place a palm on his chest that kept him from rising out of bed.

He felt anxious beyond relief. Jongin had told his father about them; he could tell from the way Jongin didn’t ask him to leave at night, letting him stay inside the mansion. But instead of feeling reassured he only felt more cornered. A soulmate was nothing but a weakness to a man like Jongin’s father, nothing but an annoyance to be eliminated at the least possible expense. That Jongin couldn’t see that made Kyungsoo love him even more, even as his mind raged against the stupidity.

“Your father--” he began.

“It’s fine,” Jongin said softly. “He’s not going to do anything to you, I promise. He doesn’t like to show it, but he has a lot of love left in him.”

Kyungsoo disagreed, but he didn’t want to see Jongin upset. “What about the formula?”

His voice sounded scratchy.

Jongin shrugged and pressed a kiss into Kyungsoo’s jaw. “We’ll find it somehow. I’ll pull some strings and you’ll work your chemistry magic, won’t you?”

Kyungsoo could feel the moment, the moment to tell Jongin the truth, but he couldn’t bring his mouth to form the damn words. The words that would turn Jongin against him, the ones that would cost him the mission and probably his life too, the ones that would make him _lose Jongin_.

“Yeah,” he said, and he hoped Jongin took the dread in his voice as dread for their scientific endeavors, not for something else.

He felt Jongin watching him out of the corner of his eye as he debated whether he should tell Jongin the other thing he’d been wanting to say.

Finally he decided. “My Sleeping sense was a sense of pain.” He felt Jongin draw a sharp intake of air, felt a hand covering his own. “To be honest, I didn’t really know what that meant until I was in middle school, maybe. That’s when the thought of it started to scare me. It scared me so much that I refused to touch anyone new, and it even made me afraid to meet new people at all.”

“Kyungsoo, I’m--”

“Don’t say it,” Kyungsoo said firmly. “It was really more of a curse than anything else. And I’m glad that you were my Awakener.”

When he looked over, Jongin’s eyes were full of tears, and he reached over to wipe them away, watching the way the liquid beaded on his thumb. Jongin brought Kyungoo’s other hand to his chest, cradling it close, and Kyungsoo leaned in for a kiss. It was gentle and slow, and Kyungsoo ran his hand through Jongin’s hair before pulling away.

“Thank you for Awakening me, Kyungsoo,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo smiled back, letting Jongin press himself into Kyungsoo’s side as they settled back into bed.

“Let’s go back to sleep,” Kyungsoo whispered, and he reached over to turn off the light.

…

Kyungsoo couldn’t bring himself to tell Chanyeol what had happened. He’d already broken the first rule of working undercover: _Don’t get attached_. So how much worse could it be if he just started ignoring his handler?

But he knew he couldn’t put off telling Jongin the truth forever. The guilt was already unraveling him, and the feeling of heaviness only increased by the day. They spent most of their time together holed up in the library or sifting through the remnants of the rival gangs they had destroyed already. Kyungsoo couldn’t focus on anything much bigger than a nucleoside, but Jongin didn’t seem to be too concerned with their lack of progress, letting their work sessions turn into bouts of frantic sex, because that felt so much realer than the foggy dread that clouded Kyungsoo’s vision most of the time.

He wanted all of Jongin that he could possibly get, before he lost Jongin forever.

“What’s your favorite thing that you learned how to see?” Kyungsoo asked one afternoon as they lounged on the couch, Monggu gnawing on his favorite bone on the ground next to them.

“You,” Jongin said with a smirk like he knew what that did to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo could feel himself reddening, and he draped an arm across his face before it could really begin to show.

Jongin laughed and tried to peel the arm away, but Kyungsoo kept it secure and used his other hand to wriggle his fingers into the soft flesh of Jongin’s belly, until Jongin was gasping with laughter and rolling into the cushions as Kyungsoo attacked with more tickles. Monggu looked up curiously, decided to ignore them, and returned to his bone.

“I yield!” Jongin squeaked out after a few more minutes of wrestling, and Kyungsoo sat back to admire his work.

Jongin’s face was flushed red and his shirt was riding up to expose smooth lines of skin. Residual giggles kept bubbling out of his mouth, but for the most part he’d recovered.

“Answer the question seriously,” Kyungsoo said, half out of breath himself.

“It is you,” Jongin huffed. “But fine, I’ll tell you something else.”

He closed his eyes and Kyungsoo watched his expression smooth out. He always found Jongin’s expressions so precious, because they were so genuine; he’d never learned to force them by copying someone else.

“I love that first glimpse you get of the sky after stepping out of a dark room,” Jongin said. “That first glimpse after your eyes stop hurting, when you realize how big and bright the world is. It’s like the seeing equivalent of rubbing your hand over mesh. It’s so fucking satisfying.”

Kyungsoo laughed. “I would never pick that.”

Jongin shrugged. “It also kind of reminds me of the first time I saw something ever. That was you, by the way.”

Kyungsoo turned away and Jongin whined.

“Come on,” he said. “Let me have my fun.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but turn back around at Jongin’s playful teasing tone. The way he was sprawled out against the couch cushions, his happy trail peeking out of the bottom of his shirt, was too powerful for Kyungsoo to resist. He crawled back over and bent down for a kiss, letting Jongin drag him down into the cushions.

…

Jongin had recently drawn up some candidate compounds so Kyungsoo could develop synthesis methods for them, but Kyungsoo couldn’t really bring himself to care about any of it. He tried his best for Jongin, who was still completely oblivious about what his father would actually do to Kyungsoo, but, as always, he found himself more interested in Jongin than in their work.

“Fuck, Kyungsoo, don’t stop,” Jongin groaned out as Kyungsoo slid another finger into the slickness of Jongin’s hole.

He could feel Jongin’s skin practically vibrating with pleasure as he rested his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, his hips rolling down against Kyungsoo’s fingers. Kyungsoo stopped the movement of his fingers just so he could feel the way Jongin was taking him in so nicely.

“Why did you stop?” Jongin complained, sinking his teeth into the skin over Kyungsoo’s collar bone.

Kyungsoo hissed out in pain and thrust his fingers in harder, eliciting a choked moan from Jongin. Jongin’s breathing was heavy in his ear as he added a third finger, forcing his fingers in as far as they would go, letting the plush curve of Jongin’s ass press up against his hand. His pants were beginning to feel far too tight and he rocked his hips upwards to feel some friction against Jongin’s bare thighs.

“Move over,” Kyungsoo said. “I need to get my pants off.”

Jongin whined like Kyungsoo had just said he needed to leave. “Why didn’t you take them off earlier?”

“You wouldn’t let me, remember?” Kyungsoo said, and Jongin grazed his teeth against the delicate skin of Kyungsoo’s neck in retaliation.

Jongin sat back and Kyungsoo admired the way his face contorted in pleasure as he teased Jongin’s hole with his knuckles for a few seconds before pulling out all the way. His pants were far too tight and he only managed to wiggle them down to mid-thigh before Jongin was slapping his hands away and crawling down to suck Kyungsoo’s dick into his mouth.

Kyungsoo hung onto the sheets as Jongin sucked around the head, pulling it out every so often to let it slap wetly on his tongue. Kyungsoo could feel his fingers and toes begin to twitch with the desire to fuck upwards into Jongin’s pliant mouth as hard as he could. But they both loved to tease each other, and that’s what made this all the better.

Jongin was finally satisfied and sat back on his heels, jerking himself off slowly, while Kyungsoo reached for the lube. He slicked himself up quickly, his hand lingering as his muscles remembered the pleasure of Jongin’s mouth only a few moments before.

“Hey, don’t get distracted,” Kyungsoo said when he realized that he’d been done for a while and was just watching Jongin chew on his lip as he stroked himself slowly, eyes screwed shut.

“How about _you_ don’t get distracted?” Jongin replied with a smirk as he crawled back over and started sliding down onto Kyungsoo’s dick. He was so warm and soft on the inside, Kyungsoo knew he wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer.

Jongin reached over to grab Kyungsoo’s hands in his own as he bounced up and down on Kyungsoo’s lap, the mattress squeaking underneath him. After a few moments like that, Kyungsoo manhandled them towards the headboard so he could suck Jongin’s nipple into his mouth, tugging gently on the pink skin so he could hear Jongin moan.

“Hnngh, Kyungsoo, I need more,” Jongin panted, and Kyungsoo agreed, because at this rate he was going to come before Jongin did. He pushed Jongin backwards onto the bed, his knees almost bracketing his face, and started to thrust downwards at an angle that had Jongin shouting.

Jongin’s eyes were shut again and he was drooling. Kyungsoo smiled and reached down to place a peck on his nose before leaning back and finally giving himself free rein to chase his release.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin whined, his voice high and desperate, its rhythms dictated by the speed of Kyungsoo’s thrusts. “It feels so good, fuck, God--”

His words quickly turned into incoherence, and then he was coming onto his chest, his entire body going taut for one moment, so completely perfect for Kyungsoo.

“You’re so good for me,” Kyungsoo groaned, his hips stuttering to a stop as he finally released inside of Jongin.

He pulled out and took the rest of his clothes off, walking over to the bathroom for a washcloth. Jongin was dozing off when he got back, but by the time he’d cleaned both of them off, Jongin was alert and cuddly. Kyungsoo tossed the washcloth into the laundry bin and snuggled up next to Jongin’s side.

Jongin turned to him with soft eyes and that’s when Kyungsoo felt it. He’d been dreading this moment for weeks now, because he couldn’t let Jongin say those words first. If he said them first, it would make everything Kyungsoo had to say so much cheaper, even though they were going to cost him everything.

“I love you,” Kyungsoo blurted out.

He was rewarded with a beautiful smile blooming across Jongin’s face, his eyes crinkling shut and his cheeks regaining some of their earlier flush.

“I--”

“Don’t say anything yet,” Kyungsoo said, and their brief moment of perfection was broken just like that. “Don’t say anything until you finish listening to what I have to say.”

…

Kyungsoo’s legs felt a bit wobbly underneath him and he paused for a moment at the end of the hallway to center himself again. It was done and he wasn’t dead yet, so that was a good sign. Now he just needed to steel himself for Jongin’s eventual rejection. No, better yet, he’d leave before Jongin had the chance, to avoid any potential complications. He already had all the evidence he needed to take down Jongin’s father, although he’d fallen short on his promise to Chanyeol to dismantle the whole cartel. At least Jongin’s father and the ones closest to him would be arrested.

Of course that included Jongin, but Kyungsoo had fiddled with the data to minimize what could be blamed on Jongin. Besides, a few people owed him favors; he’d be able to get Jongin an early release, maybe even house arrest. It’d be hard, sure, but he wouldn’t be able to move on otherwise. He’d visit Jongin one last time, just to hear the words from Jongin’s own mouth, to know that there was no hope for them. Then he’d cash in on his long-delayed vacation and try to put all of this behind him. Try being the operative word of course.

He deliberately ignored the little voice saying that maybe, just maybe, he could destroy the evidence. Maybe he could trade Jongin’s freedom for his love, and maybe that would be enough to keep him from giving into despair once this mission was over.

He laughed to himself. He didn’t remember being so delusional.

He paused at the door in front of him. For some reason he’d found himself in front of the library, remembering the first time he’d turned the handle and found Jongin waiting inside. If he’d known then what would happen, he would’ve run back to Chanyeol crying for help, so he was glad that he hadn’t known.

Inside, the furniture had been rearranged, and when he looked over at the desk, the computer was gone. Now that Jongin didn’t spend as much time there, someone else had claimed the space. He glanced out the window at the dark lawn below, trying to think of some reason to stay, but he couldn’t.

He headed out and walked down the hall.

He nodded at the guard standing at the door to the garage where Kyungsoo’s car was parked. Nobody used IDs around here; everyone just knew each other’s faces. As he exited into the garage, he dug through his pockets for his car keys. Lately his pockets had been full of random scribblings of chemical formulas and snacks that Jongin was fond of stashing there “just in case”, in addition to his usual paraphernalia.

He needed to clean his pockets out more. He’d just fished out the keys when he felt someone approaching him from behind. He swirled, heart jumping into his throat, and the left side of his head exploded in white pain.

He had just enough time to curse himself for not turning in the thumb drive sooner before his vision blacked out.

…

“I’m not letting you drive, asshole,” Sehun snapped, shoving Jongin out of the way and swinging onto the motorcycle himself.

Jongin grumbled but clambered onto the bike behind Sehun, wrapping his arms around Sehun’s torso and letting the warm broad expanse of back comfort him. He and Sehun had dated for a few months even though they knew they weren’t each other’s Awakeners, and if nothing else that was a testament to how close they were.

The bike rumbled to life underneath them and Sehun steered them out of the mansion’s compound. The white noise of the wind and drone of the motorcycle were soothing; it was difficult for Jongin to be angry for so long.

They must’ve ridden for about half an hour before Jongin tugged on Sehun’s collar to let him know to pull over. They found a tiny neighborhood park, a little jungle gym taking up most of its area. Sehun stopped the bike and they went to go sit on the swings, watching squirrels race each other around the trees. The evening air smelled of rain, and even though they’d been apart before, Jongin found himself missing Monggu.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Sehun prompted.

Jongin sighed.

…

Kyungsoo thrashed in his restraints, trying his best to avoid that little white-hot point of pain that he could sense in front of him, although his eyes rolled around uselessly underneath his blindfold. They’d been at this long enough for him to know when next the pain would come. It seared as hot as that strike of lightning when he’d first touched Jongin, but unlike that first pain, brilliantly intense for only a moment, this pain lingered, and burrowed into his muscles, and he couldn’t get away from it.

He screamed when the prod made contact with his skin again, his teeth grinding against each other as his body tried anything to distract itself from the sensation that overwhelmed all else.

His tormentor stepped away and Kyungsoo gasped for air, his face trembling as he struggled to compose himself, to blink back the tears soaking into his blindfold. The agency had trained him for this, but he’d never imagined what it would actually be like. There were legends of other agents holding out for days against torn fingernails, burns, broken teeth, but it was never a matter of if, just a matter of when you would succumb.

And Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if anyone was coming for him.

…

“But you were going to say it back to him,” Sehun said when Jongin was finished.

Jongin nodded. “I’d say it to him right now if I could.”

It was completely dark out by then, and a few elderly couples strolling down the street were giving them pointed stares. Jongin didn’t blame them. Even though Sehun was a white collar criminal, they both certainly looked like gangsters sitting there.

“Why can’t you?”

Jongin found himself tearing up. “Because it’s all over now, isn’t it? He already told me that he needs to finish this mission one way or another, and he doesn’t even believe in soulmates, so why would he even want me once this is over?”

Jongin couldn’t recognize the expression on Sehun’s face, but his voice was skeptical. “Why would he tell you all that, then? If this was really just a mission to him, he would’ve turned you in a long time ago.”

It was getting chilly, so they moved to a park bench where they could sit next to each other and soak in a bit of each other’s warmth. Jongin closed his eyes to think. Thinking too much about Kyungsoo was painful, but perhaps if he thought long enough about it he’d be able to figure a way out of all of this, a way to buy Kyungsoo’s love back.

“He told me because he can’t finish this mission alone,” Jongin realized. “The cartel is too good to let a single boss collapse the whole organization. Kyungsoo would’ve had enough access to destroy my father, sure, but he needs someone more powerful to reach the rest of the network.”

Jongin looked down to see Sehun’s hand covering his own. “What are you saying? Are you going to let him destroy everything you and your father have worked for?”

Jongin smiled back. “For him, I’d destroy a lot more.”

…

“You’re the only one that can make this stop.”

Kyungsoo’s head was ringing, and he couldn’t even tell that he was one body anymore, rather than a set of disjointed limbs floating in a pool of agony. Perhaps if he told them, they’d kill him, so he wouldn’t have to face himself afterwards.

He heard the crackle of the prod again and he couldn’t even bring himself to shy away in terror. His muscles started screaming in remembered pain, but they couldn’t orchestrate an attempt to save themselves.

_You’re the only one that can make this stop._

He clamped down on the gag in his mouth as the electricity surged through him. They’d started doing that, probably afraid he’d bite his own tongue off. The pain spread all the way to the tips of his toes and he could hear the back of his head banging against the chair behind him.

Finally, it stopped.

One of them removed the gag from his mouth and he coughed, saliva dribbling onto his chin.

“Who do you work for?”

Kyungsoo whimpered. These words hurt him too. “EXO.”

“What is EXO?”

Kyungsoo hesitated. He felt his head being yanked back by the hair and he gritted his teeth to let him force the next words out. “It’s an organization under the CIA, tasked with drug crimes.”

“Who else is working with you?”

“No one.”

“That’s a lie. Who referred you?”

Kyungsoo clenched his jaw. He felt ready to hold on for a while longer.

“Forget it,” came a voice from the far side of the room. “That’s enough for today. We’ll continue tomorrow.”

Kyungsoo felt like his shoulders should droop with relief, but his body was too on-edge to relax. He found himself thinking, bizarrely, of Jongin.

…

Kyungsoo knew that he was having a nightmare, but he was powerless to stop it. He could only watch his body be hurt, his fists passing harmlessly through the ones that tortured him. He tried to scream, and darkness swallowed the sound. He could feel the sheets chafing against his raw skin, as if he was being engulfed in fire.

“Kyungsoo.”

He woke with a gasp and immediately shied away from the figure hovering over him. After so long spent in the dark, his eyes weren’t used to the brightness and they stung.

“Kyungsoo, it’s me.” He felt a hand on his shoulder and he couldn’t help himself from trembling at the touch, like cool water soothing the ache of his entire body.

“Jongin?” he croaked out. “Why?”

Jongin’s face was still blurry, but Kyungsoo could recognize his voice and his touch by now. A hand reached out to cup his face and he leaned into it, a shudder of relief passing through his body.

“Can you walk?”

Kyungsoo hesitated. “I’ll need help.”

“Okay, let’s go.” Jongin’s hand tightened around Kyungsoo’s and he winced; even that pressure was painful now. 

He clenched his fists and forced himself up out of bed, letting Jongin sling one of his arms over his shoulder. His knees buckled when he stood and Jongin caught him, wrapping him in a hug that made him feel like this had all been worth it.

“Don’t cry,” Jongin murmured, but Kyungsoo couldn’t help it.

…

“Oh my God, Kyungsoo!”

Jongin jerked awake in time to see a stranger rushing into the waiting room, eyes teary as he followed Kyungsoo’s stretcher down the hallway. The way he clasped at Kyungsoo’s limp hand made Jongin’s stomach roil anxiously. The detectives escorting Kyungsoo didn’t stop him.

Jongin struggled out of his chair, his muscles still half-asleep, and followed the stretcher into a private room marked _Do Kyungsoo_. The detectives gave him hostile glances but let him inside the room just as the nurse was leaving. The man was standing at Kyungsoo’s bedside, his eyes closed and mouth moving as if in prayer.

“They say he’ll be fine,” Jongin said, his voice scratchy. “It’ll just take time.”

The man turned, eyes widening when he saw Jongin. “Have you been here this whole time?”

Jongin swallowed. “I didn’t want to leave him alone. They said they can’t contact his family yet, so…”

The man sighed. “Stupid fucking rules. I went to college with his boss, so he did me a favor by letting me know. I’m Baekhyun, by the way. Kyungsoo and I grew up together.”

That he didn’t say anything more than that was reassuring in a way that made Jongin feel guilty.

“I’m Jongin.”

Baekhyun turned back to Kyungsoo and fussed with his covers for a moment. “I heard what happened. Thanks for bringing him in.”

Jongin felt himself relax a bit. It was the first time someone had thanked him for this. Ever since he showed up at the police station in the morning, he’d been manhandled and interrogated by Kyungsoo’s boss and a bunch of other detectives, because he’d refused to hand over the evidence just yet. His only condition had been to stay with Kyungsoo until someone else arrived to look after him, and he’d only just gotten a chance to be by himself.

He took one last look towards the bed and forced his fists to unclench.

“Thanks for staying with him,” Jongin said. “I suppose I should be going then.”

“What? Why?” Baekhyun asked. “How about I switch off with you while you grab a shower and take a nap? I’ll look after him while you’re gone.”

Jongin hesitated. “Chanyeol said he’d be by to take me into the station after someone else got here.”

Baekhyun frowned. “Kyungsoo would want to see you before you left though. Can’t you wait here for a bit longer?”

His smile looked kind.

“Yeah,” Jongin said. “I suppose I can.”

...

Jongin squared his shoulders and looked the other man in the eye. “Kyungsoo would want to see me before I leave.”

Baekhyun had left a few minutes ago to get some sleep before work, but they’d talked for long enough for Jongin to know that Chanyeol would back down eventually.

Chanyeol sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We don’t know when he’ll wake up.”

“Then we’ll wait,” Jongin replied, his confidence growing. “Remember, without me you have nothing.”

Chanyeol’s eyes flashed with what Jongin recognized as anger, but the other man seemed to realize that Jongin wouldn’t be swayed. He nodded, teeth clenched, and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Jongin sat down on the chair next to the bed and let the breath whoosh out of him. He couldn’t allow himself to let down his guard just yet, but perhaps he could rest for just a moment. Kyungsoo’s face looked peaceful, even though his skin was still unnaturally pale, and his breathing was regular, even though he was connected to a bunch of tubes whose purpose Jongin could only vaguely comprehend.

He took one of Kyungsoo’s hands in his own and felt comforted already. It was the first time they had been alone together in a long time.

“I’m sorry to put words in your mouth,” he said softly. “I know you won’t want anything to do with me when you wake up. But since your mission is finally over, maybe you’ll feel grateful enough to give me a kiss good-bye.

“It wasn’t too hard to find all the information about the other bosses, but I was scared. I’ve never gone against my father before, but I did it for you. I thought it’s what you would’ve wanted. I thought I could do that much for you, even if you wouldn’t want me back.”

It felt good to get it all off his chest, and he could feel his eyelids drooping in exhaustion. He blinked his eyes back open and tried to straighten up. He couldn’t fall asleep now; he needed to see Kyungsoo one last time before they took Jongin away to prison. That one last time would be all he would get out of a lifetime together they were meant to have, but maybe it would be enough.

Jongin felt himself nodding off. It would never be enough.

…

It was warm. Kyungsoo cracked one eye open and blinked at the sun. It stung, but once his eye had adjusted, he cracked open the other one and saw how big and bright the world really was. He turned his head to take in his surroundings.

“Jongin?”

Jongin’s head was cradled on his arms, his hands still cupped around one of Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo couldn’t help the involuntary wave of relief, followed by the more sluggish wake of dread. Perhaps they could just stay like this, before they had to part ways forever.

The door opened and a nurse came in. When she saw that he was awake, she asked him a few questions and made sure he was comfortable before quickly leaving to get a doctor. The commotion woke Jongin, and he leaned back in his chair rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Jongin, before you say anything--” Kyungsoo swallowed; his voice was hoarse. “Before you say anything, just know that I really meant it. I really do love you.”

Jongin’s face was sad. “Don’t worry, Kyungsoo. You don’t have to pretend anymore. I’ve already turned in all the evidence, or I’m about to anyway. Your mission was a success. The cartel will never be able to recover from this.”

The events of the previous couple of days slowly came back to him. Jongin had saved him… but why? And what he was saying now didn’t make any sense at all.

“What?” Kyungsoo spluttered. “What about your father? Are you really turning him in?”

Jongin shrugged. “If it hadn’t been me, it would’ve been someone else.”

That still didn’t make any sense. Kyungsoo could feel his brain trying to recompute, but it couldn’t integrate this new information no matter how hard it tried.

“But,” Kyungsoo said, “why did it have to be you?”

Jongin rested his head on his hands and Kyungsoo resisted the urge to reach out and rest Jongin’s head on his chest instead.

“It’s simple.” Jongin took a shuddering breath. “I had to save you. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but it was the only way we had. For people like my dad, drugs were the only way up, and I don’t blame him for it. The whole time I knew it was only a matter of time before it all caught up to him. At least this way he can keep his pride. It wasn’t another boss that defeated him, it was his own son.”

Kyungsoo felt his heart break for Jongin, knowing all of those years that his father was destined to be defeated, but being unable to do anything about it either way.

“Besides,” Jongin continued. “I couldn’t handle the business much longer anyway. On the inside I wasn’t cut out for it, and meeting you just made me realize that faster.”

He smiled and turned away slightly so Kyungsoo couldn’t see the expression on his face.

“Meeting you made me want to be myself more. I love you, Kyungsoo.”

The way he said it made Kyungsoo want to believe it, but just then the doctor was coming in, shooing Jongin to the side and checking Kyungsoo’s heart rate and breathing. Jongin turned to face the window, his skin golden in the morning sunshine.

…

After the doctors were gone the detectives came in, asking Kyungsoo questions and glaring at Jongin where he hovered at the edge of the room. One of them had asked Jongin to leave, but Kyungsoo shook his head and so Jongin was allowed to stay. He watched Kyungsoo talk, his eyes darting over to meet Jongin’s every so often. It looked like Kyungsoo was getting weaker and weaker the longer they talked, his body slumping further into the cushions. Jongin wanted to go over there and make him more comfortable, but he forced himself to stay put.

It had been nearly an hour by the time Chanyeol showed up, and Jongin couldn’t help himself from flinching at the other man’s gaze. Jongin’s traitorous body must’ve decided that he didn’t need to be strong anymore now that Kyungsoo was awake. Jongin didn’t hear anything the two men discussed; he was too busy worrying over what would happen to him. He hoped Chanyeol would allow them some time alone together before Jongin had to leave with the police.

“Come on now.”

Jongin glanced up and realized Chanyeol was talking to him. He was pulling something -- handcuffs -- from his belt, and Jongin saw that this was the end. He looked away so Chanyeol couldn’t see the tears beading in his eyes.

“Chanyeol, put those away.”

That was Kyungsoo, and Jongin couldn’t help the hope flaring up in his chest.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol said, “but we don’t really have a choice here.”

“Yes, we do,” Kyungsoo said. “I wouldn’t be here without him, and you know it.”

“You never would’ve gotten captured in the first place if it weren’t for him,” Chanyeol snapped back. “You should’ve pulled out of the mission when I told you to, and then none of this would’ve happened.”

Kyungsoo snorted. “Yeah, the soon-to-be greatest achievement of your career never would’ve happened without him. He could’ve left me there to die, and all of what -- ten years’ worth of work would’ve gone to waste.”

Chanyeol’s hands were clenched into fists, but he didn’t say anything back.

“But you know,” Kyungsoo continued. “All of your success can disappear just like that. If the agency finds out that you lost contact with me, that you allowed me to violate protocol, that they almost lost an agent due to your choices, none of this success will be for you.”

“You’d--”

“I would,” Kyungsoo said. “Come up with a plea deal for him. You’ll need his testimony to convict all the other ones anyway. And admit him into this hospital for psychological trauma until his court date. He doesn’t need to sit in jail with the others.”

Chanyeol cursed and clipped the handcuffs back onto his belt. “You’ve changed.”

Once the door slammed shut behind him Kyungsoo seemed to deflate, his eyelids drooping as he sank back onto the pillow. Jongin walked over and lowered the bed until he was lying flat. His breathing was irregular and it took a while for the color to return to his face.

“Come up here,” Kyungsoo said when his breathing had returned to normal. “I need my Awakener to make me feel better.”

Jongin flushed but slid his shoes off, climbing up onto the hospital bed next to Kyungsoo. He rested his head onto the pillow next to Kyungsoo’s, watching the rise and fall of his chest. The warmth of Kyungsoo’s body made him feel better, and he could see the way Kyungsoo’s face seemed to relax at Jongin’s closeness.

“Why’d you do that?” Jongin asked softly. “You already have all the evidence you need. You don’t need me anymore.”

Kyungsoo smiled and opened his eyes. “Because I love you, that’s why.”

And Jongin could believe that.

…

“Well,” he said, his lip curling in distaste, “I suppose in your own way, you did exactly as I taught you.”

Jongin swallowed as he watched his father being led away, hands cuffed behind his back. It would be his turn next, but Kyungsoo had been able to pull some strings to allow them some time together before the prison transport arrived.

He’d be going to a low-security prison with mostly white-collar criminals. Even the detectives that despised him for his role in his father’s empire knew that he’d be eaten alive in regular prison. Once the other inmates got wind of who he was, he’d be lucky to make it a week without a shiv in his back.

The courtroom was rapidly clearing out after the last of the cartel members had been sentenced. Kyungsoo was making his way over, Monggu trailing, and Jongin forced himself to put on a smile. “You brought him.”

“He’s going to miss you,” Kyungsoo said, reaching down to scratch behind Monggu’s ears. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you plenty of belly rubs on Jongin’s behalf.”

“I’ll miss both of you,” Jongin said.

“We’ll come visit.” Kyungsoo smiled. He paused, and then the smile turned into a frown. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you a lighter sentence. I never wanted you to go to prison, any kind of prison.”

Jongin shook his head. “I wouldn’t feel right any other way. You weren’t there the whole time, Kyungsoo. You didn’t see everything I did. Besides, a year isn’t so long.”

Kyungsoo sighed. “I know.” He took a deep breath and seemed to force a smile back onto his face. “And don’t forget, after this, we’ll start over. You can be whoever you want to be.”

Jongin shrugged. “I’m okay with just being me, as long as I have you too.”

“You’ll always have me,” Kyungsoo said, leaning over the railing for a kiss.

…

“Order up!”

Kyungsoo turned back to the stove, wiping his hands on the towel tucked into his apron. The pub was quite busy for a Tuesday evening, but apparently they’d just gotten a big group in.

“Sorry, babe.” Jongin stuck his head through the window. “They asked for the sauce on the side.”

Kyungsoo frowned and looked at the order. He had to squint up at the screen since Baekhyun had recently insisted that they replace their admittedly outdated paper system with a completely digital one. He turned back around with a triumphant smile, “It doesn’t _say_ anything about the sauce on the side.”

“Oops,” Jongin said as he strode into the kitchen and gave Kyungsoo a peck on the cheek. “I must’ve forgotten to write it. I wouldn’t want this to go to waste though.”

He snatched up the still-steaming plate of ribs and plopped himself down on a stool next to Kyungsoo to take a bite.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and started to pull out the ingredients to remake the dish. “You know, you shouldn’t just ditch Baekhyun out on the floor like that. And if you’re going to be in the kitchen, make yourself useful and chop some onions.”

Jongin sighed but stood to wash his hands, his mouth still full of food. “It’s fine. It’s just Sehun and his goons anyway.”

Kyungsoo made a noise of surprise. “I didn’t know he was in town.”

“Guess he’s sick of moving rich people’s money around from one account to another. He said he’s taking a vacation.”

They both turned as someone knocked on the door. Baekhyun soon followed, one hand covering his eyes. “I just need to get more beers. I really hope no one has their dick out.”

“That’s unsanitary,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin agreed loudly.

As Baekhyun was struggling out the door with the new case, he peered down the hall and yelled, “They’re all gone except for Sehun’s group, by the way.”

“I’ll let Monggu out,” Jongin said, putting down his work and going to open the door to their attached apartment. Monggu was getting old but still loved being the center of attention; he wagged his tail as he walked down the hallway towards the dining area.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to chide him for leaving the onions half-chopped and then decided it didn’t matter. He slid the finished ribs onto a plate with a bowl of sauce on the side and went to bring it out.

“Which one of you wanted the sauce on the side?”

Someone raised his hand sheepishly. “I can’t eat spicy food, remember?”

“Chanyeol, what are you doing here?”

“Don’t you remember?” Chanyeol leaned over to take the dish from Kyungsoo’s hands. “It’s your three year anniversary.”

Kyungsoo frowned at Jongin, who was crouched and petting Monggu. “Our anniversary is in the summer.”

“I think he means our anniversary of opening the pub,” Jongin said.

“Has it really been that long?”

“Three years since you stole Jongin from me,” Sehun said loudly from the other end of the table. “This place is in the middle of nowhere, how do you expect me to get out here for Kyungsoo’s cooking?”

Jongin scoffed. “Calm down, it’s only a few extra bus stops. Besides, you can do your job from anywhere. Just move here already.”

Sehun rolled his eyes and addressed the table, “Hey, anyone want more food?”

A round of satisfied groans and head shaking went around the table.

“Close the kitchen and join us,” Chanyeol said, mouth full of food.

Kyungsoo smiled. “Sure, I’ll be back after loading the dish washer.”

“I’ll help,” Jongin said.

They finished the dishes quickly; they were used to closing up together. Kyungsoo wiped down the counters and grills while Jongin leaned against the fridge and finished his food. Then he slid his dish into the sink and went up to Kyungsoo for a back hug, convincing him to turn around for a slow kiss.

“You taste spicy,” Kyungsoo laughed.

Jongin pouted.

“I like it though,” Kyungsoo quickly amended.

“Good,” Jongin said with a smile. He paused, his expression softening out for a moment, before asking, “Do you still not believe in soulmates?”

Kyungsoo swallowed. “I don’t have to. I believe in you.”


End file.
